Human Development

I've been spending an awful lot of time with a baby lately, so forgive me if every post for a while is influenced by babiness.

I was thinking how funny it would be if humans grew and aged, but in some ways never progressed beyond three months of age. For instance, if we were hungry, we would begin to gnaw ravenously on whatever was closest to our mouths, be it seat belt strap, coat-corner or fist. Then we could eat lying down and consistently fall asleep mid-meal, our arms falling every which way.

We would fall into an open, trance-like stare at whatever caught our eye, especially anything sparkly, glowy, or black and white striped.

When in public, if we were met with a friendly smile by a stranger, we would wait a beat while watching them, then suddenly open our mouths widely and soundlessly, squinting our eyes in delight.

I think lastly, but definitely the most fun, is that as far as our bodily functions went, we would either fart at full-speed with absolutely no remorse, or cry theatrically while red-faced, our fists balled up, before farting or letting loose with copious amounts of liquipoo that shot up our backs.