Songs in the Head

I still can't get Beyonce's version of "At Last" out of my head, but only the first part, because it was played over and over on the news. They cut it off at the exact same point, too: after the word, 'along'. Christian no doubt is sick of hearing me sing it, especially since I really have no business singing out loud in front of anyone with ears. My rendition has taken on a strange twist, too, I sort of sing it half Beyonce, half Etta James, with just a hint of Billie Holiday, which makes for an atrociously annoying queer little accented version.

Soon it will fade from the forefront of my mind, to be replaced with Delta Dawn, or some other song my Dad used to sing in the kitchen. As he poured his second martini, thrilled that he was home from another long day in the world of work. He'd sing this, or perhaps, "Up In the Air, Junior Birdman", while doing a little shuffle, giving a little clap, laughing and banging us on the back as if we were the sturdy sons he probably rightfully deserved.

The first song I ever memorized was "You Light up my Life." I would sing that alone in my room, pensively gazing out the window, willing my life to take the dramatic and glamorous turn I knew was my destiny. Ballads were my forte, as Journey's "Don't Stop Beleivin' " flew awkwardly out my mouth several thousand times. One summer I developed a mini-crush on a skanky, small-time country singer who performed at a local county fair. She sang a cover of "I'm not Lisa" that blew my little 10 year old mind. I bought her 45, scored an autograph, and spent the next few weeks listening. I perfected each and every nuance of her voice on that song, and my facial expressions conveyed the desperate longing of someone who knows no end to suffering.

I guess I'd like to take this moment to publicly promise my husband that I will now officially retire my "At Last" phase, in favor of returning to an old favorite.



I'm not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won't leave you
'Til the sunlight has touched your face

She was your morning light
Her smile told of no night
Your love for her grew
With each rising sun

And then one winter day
His hand led hers away
She left you here drowning in your tears, here
Where you've stayed for years
Crying Lisa, Lisa

I'm not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won't leave you
'Til the sunlight shines through your face

I'm not Lisa