Surreal Driving Days

I am extremely attuned to those days where, when you are driving around, you encounter a whole lot of weird, driving-around bullshit. Like when you have to stop for 4 cars in a row, within the span of 5 minutes, who have decided to pull into alleys and back out right in front of you, so they can turn around and go the other way because they were too stupid to go the right way in the first place.

Then you finally get your kid to school (that's where we're going on this trip), and other, equally stoopid folks, stop their cars in the middle of the road to let their eight kids out for school, because it's too much work to pull over to the curb and let other people behind you go around. That's just enough to make a girl want to lob some major rotten eggs at cars.

My technique for trying to stay sane and feel the love for everyone, is to try to put myself in their shoes for a minute.

Internal Dialogue: "Okay, so maybe this person really has to pee and simply can't risk the time it takes to pull over to the curb, and plus they are half blind, so they think they are at the curb, and also the car that they stole maybe can't turn to the right, thereby making it impossible to pull over, and after peeing they have to hurry to their job where their boss with onion breath beats them with his coffee mug because of their poor eyesight and lagging performance."

Then I burst into tears and berate myself for being such an uncaring B-word, and let every car go around me until I'm the only one left parked in front of the school, pounding my fists on the steering wheel and pulling at my hair, in a feeble attempt to shock some sanity into my otherwise wretched system.

Then I pull away, sniffeling a bit, return home to clean up my house that isn't selling, and return 7 hours later to pick up F from school, and repeat the whole exhausting performance. Only this time, it's that uptight windbag who lives somewhere behind me, and gives me the old stink-eye every chance she gets. She must have a horrible, terminal disease that makes her hate people who move into her old friends' houses. Poor woman. I think I'll give her a big hug and stroke her hair lovingly next time I see her.