Romance

I just adore weddings. Especially outdoor weddings in November with hundreds of people I don't know and my child whining the entire time about how cold and hungry she is. I mean, how can you not bawl your damn eyes out in the midst of true love being declared, unabashedly, in front of the world! Or at least the dog lovers of Oak Park.

Yep, I attended the Oak park Dog Wedding with F and my sis. It was cold, crowded, and pretty fun until it became really boring, too cold and sort of sad. Every dog looked slightly miserable- I was thinking how hilariously campy the whole thing would be, and it was. What was wrong, then? Something felt really bad about this event.

I'm thinking when this happens, it's usually my big old stupid dumb dumb stupid brain ruining all the campy fun. Or maybe there really was something depressing about the whole thing. Let's wait until Kate-The-Therapist weighs in on this, because I just don't trust my feelings while I'm in the middle of getting my house ready to sell. I'm craaaaaaaazy.

Here are some pics:

There's a strange man upstairs in my house

Mr. Plumber is upstairs trying to fix our shower. The $2,000 worth of new pipes in our basement didn't seem to do the job a year and a half ago, so we'll see what tricks this dude has up his plumber's sleeves. Or butt.

I am an obsessed HGTV fan and have been lately watching Designed To Sell constantly. Since we will soon have our home on the market, I have been trying to glean every last bit of magical information I can from those plucky designers. One day a few weeks ago I even decided that we needed to be on the show. After making my online application sound like we were "fun" "DIY" types of people, I sent it off and waited for three whole days. The coveted email came back enquiring after photos of our house and our family, as they were "very interested" in having us progress to the second level!

Alas, I guess we simply weren't beautiful enough for telemuhbision because I have heard nothing further.

It's a good thing I really am an "energetic" "DIY er". I have created my own personal before and after campaign that I like to call, "Designed To Smell". I will be posting before and after photos, well, after. Also hopefully I'll be able to lay off putting everything in quotes pretty soon.

My advice column letter

Dear Ann Landers,

We are planning to put our home on the market real soon. Although this is the stupidest time in the whole world to take on this endeavor, we will not be deterred. Firstly, we got to. We (I) ain't makin' enough money to stay in this tony suburb near the big city. Secondly, there sure are a lot of robberies and gun-related "to-do's" in my alley in this tony suburb. It's exciting and all, but I signed up for boring when I moved to the suburbs. Am I right, Ann landers?

So anyways, Ann Landers, here is what I am asking you: hyperthetically, say I was waiting outside of my kid's school to pick her up from kindergarten, and one of the other mothers started chatting me up. Then say for some reason my big fat flapper let loose that we were putting our house up for sale. Then her eyes get real wide like they're about to jump out of her face onto my jacket. Then she proceeds to shake her head and thwart every measly attempt at me putting a positive spin on my situation. This is all hypoopathetical and all, but do you think it would be horribly counter to all sense of politeness if I hauled off and slugged her one and started a mom fight on the front steps of the school? What if after picking the tooth fragments from my knuckles I called her names such as "naysayer" and "damn skeptic" and ran away maniacally laughing real fast?

Please respond ASAP. Thanks Ann Landers.

Love,
Jeanettey

Halloween Hilarity

Wee One had a Halloween parade at school Friday and these were my favorite costumes:



Oh wait- that third one isn't a costume! That's the picture Christian snapped of a guy behind us. He was very angry with Christian for stopping at a yellow light, and let us know by laying on the horn for a while. I don't think he liked having his picture taken either. his middle finger waved jauntily at us as he drove past. Poor little man.